A page from my journal.
You may look and see an addict. A homeless person. You may watch from afar. Holding your purse/wallet a little tighter. Forgetting to say hello, or to smile and make eye contact (just because).
To you, he/she is just an addict.
But when I look at my daughter, I see those big beautiful brown eyes – the same ones that stared right into mine the first time I held her in my arms.
I see the little girl who always wanted a brother or sister to play with and instead had a cat named Nelson and a hamster named Trixy.
I see the little girl who would skip wherever she went! Smiling all the way.
I see the little girl who wanted me to rub her back and hum to her every night to help her sleep.
I see the little girl who wanted to be a dog walker when she grew up. Pretending to be a puppy, we’d make her a tail and put her hair in pigtails. She would bark and eat Cheerios from a bowl.
I see the girl who always wanted just one more push on the swing.
I see the girl who always wanted her dad in her life and would much later in life confess to me about being called the n-word at school.
The girl who just wanted to feel pretty.
The girl who has spent much of her life trying to fit in, when perhaps she’s always been meant to stand out.
The one who still melts my heart when she says,”I love you, mama.”
I see the girl whose classmates would beg her not to take her medicine because she was “funnier without it”. They would later try and buy it from her so they could get high.
The girl who is always the first to ask how are you? And wait for a reply. Always wanting everyone to be happy.
She is a human being. An artist.
She is kind and compassionate. She is smart, funny, thoughtful. And has a huge heart. She cares deeply for others. Beautiful from the inside out. And this world is a better place with her in it.
I’m so proud to be her mom. With love here are some of her photos and drawings put to music.
Thank you for seeing her through my eyes just for today.
With love, from her mom.