I was reminded of something today. Something I’ve tried to push away. Not wanting it to be true. Distracting myself with scented candles, and freshly moved furniture. New track, hair in a bun. A change of clothes, to get me in the mood. It’s no use.
I hold back. Much of the time. And to think, it requires so much strength. Holding back my words as to not scare, offend, disappoint. I edit myself. Much of the time. Do you know? The amount of strength it takes to hold back my flimsy thoughts. One shot and it makes me weak. I’m losing my grip.
I want to release them. The words that are stumbling over the top of each other, just begging to be observed. Children to be seen. Women to be heard.
Life has been troubling, no more or less than anyone else. Unique only to me.
I’ve been numb. Acting aloof. Trying to entertain like the royal clown. Mending relationships. Explaining various points of view. Draining from my emotional bank account to distract you from yours.
I’m planning on continuing to fight for my place in this world. Keeping my eyes open for a reflection of myself. My once upon a time, before I became a mute.