Walls are closing in and I’m losing it. Patience among other things.

When depression kicks in, my body is the first to know. Exhausted. Aloof. A mute once more.

I’ve been trying. Though trying looks like nothing to no one. And as my health declines so does my spirit. From the outside looking in, I’m standing still sinking in sand quickly losing clarity. My energy is NA which is where my daughter should be. It’s a moment. Perhaps a moment long gone. I’ve developed my own tools to pull me out a rut such as this. It works but requires the decision to try. It’s the trying that exhausts me.

When I woke up to find my daughter had left in the early morning hours, I figured she’d be back. I started cleaning. Vacuuming. That’s when i found the orange cap.